I Never Found You: A Poem

Hi, all. Welcome to another installment of Stupid Poetry. This time, I am just here to drop a little poem in your day and not a whole lot else. Also, fuck the fascist losers in the Kansas State legislature for invalidating the IDs of trans people. The rot in this country‘s soul is growing, and it is only aided and abetted by milquetoast liberalism that thinks the rot “has some compelling points about women sports“ or what the fuck ever. It was never going to stop there. And that dog-whistling nonsense should have already been too far.

The people in power are never going to protect the human beings they have power over. We have to do it ourselves. Take care of yourselves and each other. Here is a poem.

i never found you 

i cut a hole in the earth 

and forgot to look at what 

was inside. i carved a circle,

a target, into my palm 

and forgot why it stung

i tried to catch the stones

thrown to me, at me? i don’t know. 

but i thought you might need them. 

i thought you might need something 

to build with. something to throw back.

something to skip across the river. i’m so sorry,

you were somewhere in my chest

and i didn’t know. every tuesday morning

for months, when i was 21, i tried to meditate

but the quiet was broken 

barking dogs, the snapping of splinters under my weight, some jason statham movie playing from another bedroom. i couldn’t find you. 

i drove to texas, slept in my car in kansas. 

i let the hard limestone of iowa’s bluffs 

become my skin. no one told me that would bury you. no one told me i would bury me.